revit (User)
Fresh Boarder
Posts: 11
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Re:New Joke Thread 1 Month, 4 Weeks ago
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Thanks Musky, I totally agree.
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Re:New Joke Thread 1 Month, 4 Weeks ago
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How do you catch a polar bear? 
First, you cut a hole in the ice and then you sprinkle peas around the hole.
Then you wait...
and when the polar bear comes to take a pea...you kick him in the ice hole!!   |
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Re:New Joke Thread 1 Month, 3 Weeks ago
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The Sweetness of Married Life
A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife, 'Honey, I'll be right back.'
'Where are you going, Coochy Coo?' asked the wife.
'I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face,' he answered. I'm going to have a beer.'
The wife said, 'You want a beer, my love?' She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc
The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, 'Yes, Lollipop... but at the bar... You know...they have frozen glasses... '
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, 'You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?' She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, 'Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long.
I'll be right back. I promise. OK?'
'You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?' She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and little quiches.
'But my sweet honey... at the bar.... you know there's swearing,dirty words and all that...'
'You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? LISTEN UP DUMBASS! SIT YOUR ASS DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR HORS D'OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN'T GOING TO A DAMNED BAR! THAT'S OVER, GOT IT, JACKASS?'
and...they lived happily ever after. Isn't that a sweet story?
MARRIED LIFE - MAKES MY EYES TEAR UP
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Re:New Joke Thread 1 Month, 3 Weeks ago
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Jezzzz Doc, I got quivers of my ex wife reading that....  |
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2.5MM Float Assy
170 Main Jet
3rd clip on the needle
2.5 turns out PMS
Proud Member of Patriot Guard Riders
Hirams Riders M C
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Re:New Joke Thread 1 Month, 3 Weeks ago
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On his wedding day, a young man asks his father for some advice on having a successful marriage... Having been married nearly thirty years, the father says... Son, on the night of our honeymoon, I took off my pants and handed them to your mother... I told her to put them on... and, when she said that she couldn't, because they wouldn't fit, I told her to remember that... because I wear the pants in our family...! And, we've been happily married ever since!"
Thinking about this sage advice, the young man takes his new bride to their honeymoon suite and proceeds to follow his fathers lead...
He removes his trousers, hands them to his new wife and tells her to put them on...
When she says that they are too big for her to wear, he repeated the words of his father... "That's right," he says... "I wear the pants in this family and don't you forget it!"
After hearing this, the young girl removes her panties, hands them to her new husband and tells him to put them on... He immediately objects and says "I can't, they're much too small...! There's no way I can get into them...!"
With that, the young woman smiles and says... "That's right...! And, unless you change that attitude, you never will...!"
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Over 50...?
Never miss the oppertunity to pee, never waste an erection... And never, ever, trust a fart!
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Re:is the joke thread locked to new jokes? 1 Month, 3 Weeks ago
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This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for
years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.
The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop
and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a
doctor. She was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out! Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled
back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and
the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor
laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his
bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face.
She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me
and I didn't listen to you.
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.
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Stocked (User)
Wayne
Fresh Boarder
Posts: 83
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Re:New Joke Thread 1 Month, 3 Weeks ago
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Musky wrote:
Stocked wrote:
I got censored?
That's even funnier than the joke. The real punchline is Beer F@#$
We don't allow profanity here. There are members who share the Clinic with their young children. It's nice that they don't have to worry about what they might run across. And nothing is lost by not using it. 
Sorry all I missed the profanity thread. Now that I have read it I know about it I'll be more careful. Hope it didn't cause any problems.
So here's a clean one for next St. Patty's Day.
Two Irish men walk out of a bar....
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Re:New Joke Thread 1 Month, 3 Weeks ago
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No problem at all  |
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