A middle aged man dies and finds himself sitting on a bench while waiting to be processed... into hell...
He's very despondent because he really doesn't understand what he had done to wind up here instead of in heaven...
So, along comes a veteran hellion, he sees the depressed man and asks "Hey, buddy... what's with the long face...? Why so glum?"
The man explains that he tried to be a good person and only strayed from the straight and narrow a few times but he didn't think he's wind up here... and now he's depressed because of it...
Well, hearing this the vet says "Oh, come on... Hell's not so bad... you might even like it here..."
But, the man disagrees...
But, our happy go lucky veteran continues... "Say, listen... do you like smoking...?" He asks...
"well yeah, pretty much..." says the man...
And, the vet says... "Well, pal... you’re going to love Mondays... 'cause Mondays are smoking night... You can smoke cigars, pipes, cigarettes... heck, anything you can think of and you don't have to worry about getting cancer and dying cause you're already dead...
This get the mans attention and he starts to listen more closely now...
The vet continues... "Do you like drinking?"
The man replies, "I've had a few too may cocktails a time or to... But, I'm no lush..." he exclaims...
The vet laughs and says... "Hey, not to worry my friend... your secret's safe with me... But, on Tuesday, down here, it's Drinking Night...! Yep, all you ever thought about drinking and more than you ever thought you could hold too...! Oh, and anything you want as well... Whiskey, Scotch Bourbon, Vodka, Rum and Gin...!!! You're going to love Tuesdays..."
By this time the man is thinking that maybe this isn't all that bad... and starts to put a smile on his face... and he actually asked about Wednesdays...
So, our vet tells him... "Oh Wednesdays are great... Do you like to gamble?" He says the man...
"Only a little..." Said the man. "I mean, I only lost the family savings once or twice on a sure thing, mind you..."
Again, our vet reassures the man... "Say no more pally boy... You are going to flip over Wednesdays!!! You can bet and loose like you never imagined before...! And, come Thursday... you're debt free!!! Ain't that something?"
By now the Man is getting pretty enthused about being "Down there..." and says to the vet "go on... go on!"
So the vet says, "Do you like drugs...?" And, the man answers... "Well, I'm no connoisseur, but I've taken a few pills and powder here and there..."
The vet says, "Well you're going to love Thursdays... 'cause Thursdays are Drug night...! You name it Heroin, Coke, uppers, downers LSD... It's all there... And you don't have to worry about dying from an over dose cause you already dead and there's no consequences...!!!
Well, by this time the man is gotten pretty cheery about his assignment in hell and is actually starting to look forward to being in Hell... and asks... What's in store on Fridays???
So, the vet says... "Do you ever think about being gay...?" Hearing this, the man rocks back in his seat and lets out a huge gasp and says "JEEZE NO!!!"
To which the vet says... "Oh, to bad... you're going to hate Fridays...!"