THE BLONDE WHO MARRIED A CATHOLIC



On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch.

When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, 'It's Lent.'


In tears, she sobbed, 'Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?'

yea I know, it's sad........

A maid asked for a pay increase.

The wife was very upset about this and asked:
"Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?"
Maria: "Well Señora, there are three reasons why I
want an increase.

The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"
Maria: "Your husband said so."
Wife: "Oh."

Maria: "The second reason is that I am a better cook
than you."
Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than
me?"
Maria: "Your husband did."
Wife: "Oh."

Maria: "My third reason is that I am a better lover
than you."
Wife (really furious now): "Did my husband say that as
well?"
Maria: "No Señora, the gardener did."

SHE GOT THE RAISE

I guess it qualifies as a joke, but I swear to God, it's the honest truth: My friend Buddy calls me last night and says he's going to ride his new Indian, and asked if I'd like to have a look at it. I said, "Hell yeah!! Come on over!!"

He and Divya looked very happy together...

Frank_W wrote:
I guess it qualifies as a joke, but I swear to God, it's the honest truth: My friend Buddy calls me last night and says he's going to ride his new Indian, and asked if I'd like to have a look at it. I said, "Hell yeah!! Come on over!!"

He and Divya looked very happy together...

Bad Frank! (I had to look up Divya on google)

The True Story of Onestone

This was the Indian name given to him because he had only one testicle.

After years and years of this torment Onestone cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!"

The word got around and nobody called him that any more.

Then one day a young girl named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning, Onestone."

He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he shagged her all day. He shagged her all night, and he shagged her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant business.

Years went by until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after many years away.

Yellow Bird was overjoyed when she saw Onestone and hugged him and said, "Good to see you Onestone."

Onestone grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he shagged her all day, shagged her all night, shagged her all the next day, shagged her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!

What is the moral of the story?

You can't kill two birds with one stone!

Frank, that's good I'll give you an

Heh... Yeah, I've got 8 for her.

This might be old.

L ITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE



A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the

airplane when the stranger turned to her and said,

'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you

strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'



The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed

it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you

like to talk about?'



'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about

nuclear power?' and he smiles.



OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic.

But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow,

and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - . Yet a

deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a

flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried

grass. Why do you suppose that is?'



The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's

intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have

no idea.'



To which the little girl replies, How can you feel

qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know

s**t?


Stan

OK--I haven't read the 19 pages of jokes so I hope this is a new one

What are the three rings of marriage??
First comes the engagement ring.
Then comes the wedding ring.
Then comes the suffer-ring. HAHHA


It's just a joke I am married for 15 years and my wife puts up with me and lets me have weekends with "the guys". Also makes me lunch every day--she is a sweetheart. I hope you all have the same.!!!!!! Ronnie in MD VROOM VROOM