Ok so three bulls were in the barnyard an old bull a middle aged bull and a young bull.
The farmer and a friend were walking through and discussing that the bulls weren't keeping up with the cows so he had bought another bull and it was due to arrive on the weekend. So the old bull said well I don't know about you guys but I'm not giving up any of my cows. And the middle aged bull says no sir me either and the young bull says no way am I giving up any of my cows so it was settled.
Well Saturday morning comes and the bulls see a stock truck backing down the lane, the trucks a rocking and dust is a flying. The the driver gets out opens the gate and out comes the biggest meanest bull they had ever seen. The old bull says I might give up about 25% af my cows, the middle aged bull says I might give up half of mine, next thing they see is the young bull stompin and kickin and acting nuts. They said are you crazy your not going to fight him are ya he says Hell no I'm just makin sure he knows I'm a bull

Jerry Clower did this one best.

20Penny wrote:
Jerry Clower did this one best. thought I was the only one that remembered Jerry Clower! "knock him out john!"

A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion,
they passed a rule that whenever the pastor's family expanded, so would his paycheck.

After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the pastor's expanding
salary.

A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the pastor's additional children were costing the church,
and how much more it could potentially cost.

After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke, "Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us."

Silence fell over the congregation. In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally said in her frail voice,

"Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers."

The entire congregation said, "Amen."

You know I couldn't even remember were I heard that joke however I had listened to Jerry alot back in the day he was funny.

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University . On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day. Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly. Probably wasn't the same bloody elephant.

This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming sham stories.

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.

As she walked she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say"Supersex"..

She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair..

flipping her gown at him,she said,'Supersex.'

He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered,

'I'll take the soup'.

A crusty old biker out on a long summer ride in the country pulls up to a tavern in the middle of no where, parks his bike and walks inside.

As he passes through the swinging doors, he sees a sign hanging over the
bar:

COLD BEER: $2.00
HAMBURGER: $2.25
CHEESEBURGER: $2.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50...
HAND JOB: $50.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the ole' biker walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of
sun-wrinkled farmers.

She glides down behind the bar to the ole biker.

"Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "may I help you?"

The ole biker leans over the bar, "I was wondering young lady,"he whispers, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"

She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs "Why yes, yes, I sure am".


The ole' biker leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly...
"Well, wash your hands real good, cause I want a cheeseburger".

The definition of torque: Sometimes when you wake up in the morning with a woody and you have to pee. It's when you try to bend it down and it kicks your legs out from under you...that's torque!

spuzzy wrote:
The definition of torque: Sometimes when you wake up in the morning with a woody and you have to pee. It's when you try to bend it down and it kicks your legs out from under you...that's torque!Now that's funny.