Rednecks Magic Elevator
A redneck family are visiting a big city for the first time.

The father ans son are in the hotel lobby when the spot an elevator.

"What's that Paw?" The boy asked.

"I ain't never did see nothin' like that in my life" Replied the father.

Seconds later an old frail woman walks in the hotel door and hobbles to the elevator. She presses the button with her cain, waits for the doors to open and gets in.

The father and son, still amazed by this contraption, continue to watch.

They hear a ping noise and the doors open again. Out steps a beautiful 20 year old busty blonde.

The father looks at his son and says "Go get your Maw !"

And I will end with the last of my saved jokes.

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his beautiful, blond, female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.

She opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into her house.

A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I've got mail!"

Enjoy, Steven

THREE LITTLE PIGS

(This is a true story, proving how fascinating the mind of a six year old is. They think so logically.)

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to
her class. She came to the part of the story where first pig
was trying to gather the building materials for his home

She read . 'and so the pig went up to the man with the
wheelbarrow full of straw and said: 'Pardon me sir, may
I have some of that straw to build my house?'

The teacher paused then asked the class:

'And what do you think the man said?'

One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly
...'I think the man would have said - 'Well, I'll be damned!!
A talking pig!'

The teacher had to leave the room.

A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his drink, gulps it down in one swig and then turns to the guy with a menacing stare as if to say, 'What'cha gonna do about it?'

The poor little guy starts crying. 'Come on man I was just giving you a hard time,' the biker says. 'I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying.

'This is the worst day of my life,' says the little guy between sobs. 'I can't do anything right. I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener and my dog bit me.

So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink the damn poison.

THAT was funny!

Steven

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they
got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and
says, 'Kemosabe, look towards sky; what you see?'

The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.'

'What that tell you?' asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, 'Astronomically
speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies. Time wise, it
appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.
Theologically, the Lord is all powerful, and we are small and
insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day
tomorrow. What does it tell you, Tonto?'


'You dumber than buffalo shit. Someone stole tent.'

A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Roadster motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop.
The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?"

The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his ha nds on a rag and said, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new.

So how come I make $39,675 a year, a pretty small salary and you get the really big bucks ($1,695,759) when you and I are doing basically the same work?"


The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic................................
"Try doing it with the engine running."

Cougar wrote:
[quote]
So how come I make $39,675 a year, a pretty small salary and you get the really big bucks ($1,695,759) when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
quote]

Gotta love perspective!!!

Don't let the Doc BS you, If he is replacing the valves, he has to stop your heart as well...

Flashback wrote:
Don't let the Doc BS you, If he is replacing the valves, he has to stop your heart as well...

Now we have not only a Road Star Mechanic, we have a heart valve replacing Flashback...