A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.
Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?
Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature.
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, 'It looks like you have seen a lot of action.
Yes, ma'am, a lot of action.
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, 'You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?
1955, ma'am.
Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955!
She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to 'relax' him several times.
Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, 'Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955.


The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his serious voice, 'I hope not; it's only 2130 now.

Whitetail
2130

A guy walks up to an ice cream parlor counter and asks for a chocolate ice cream cone. The cute girl behind the counter said, "I'm sorry sir, we are all out of chocolate ice cream". They guy says oh, ok! Looks over the menu for a few moments and says, "OK, I'll just have a chocolate ice cream cone". The girl replies, "Sir, we are all out of chocolate!". Ah, OK, then just give me a double chocolate ice cream cone". The girl, getting very tired of this asked the man, "Can you tell me how many V's are in the word VANILLA? He replies "Well, there is only one V in the word VANILLA. She then asks him, "How many S's are in the word STRAWBERRY?" The guy answers, "There is only one S in the word STRAWBERRY". Great she says, now "How many F's are there in the word CHOCOLATE?" He replies "There is no F in CHOCOLATE" The girl replies "Exactly, Now you've got it!"

". Great she says, now "How many F's are there in the word CHOCOLATE?" He replies "There is no F in CHOCOLATE" The girl replies "Exactly, Now you've got it!"

Sherlock Holmes and Doc Watson are camping under the stars.
In the middle of the night Sherlock elbows Watson and says "Watson, quick look up and tell me what you deduce!"

Watson looks up and says "why I see thousands, no millions, no billions of stars. And if only a few were to have atmospheres like earth then yes there could actually be life out there like our own!"

Sherlock say "no, no you idiot! Someone stole our tent!"

Two NJ men are out in the woods hunting when one accidentally shoots the other. The hunter uses his cell phone to call 911.

911: What is your emergency?

Hunter: I've accidentally shot my friend and I think he's dead

911: OK sir. Now let's take things one step at a time. First, make sure your friend is really dead.

Pause: Two gunshots are heard.

Hunter: OK now what?

A salesman checked into a futuristic hotel. Realizing he needed a Haircut before the next day's meeting, he called the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises.

I'm afraid not, sir,' the clerk told him apologetically, 'but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes.'

Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15.00, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed is reflection, which showed the best haircut of his life.

Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read, 'Manicures, $20.00.' 'Why not?' thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into
the slot, and the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly manicured.

The next machine had a sign that read, 'This machine provides a service men need when away from their wives, 50 Cents.'

The salesman looked both ways, put fifty cents in the machine, unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck his manhood into the opening. When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of agony and almost passed out. Fifteen seconds later it shut off.

With trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his tender unit...........which now had a button sewn on the end of it.

.... wonder what he expected for fifty cents ...Coug