Okay, this is a visual joke, so I'll have to explain the physical part at the end. It will be a lot funnier when you tell it.
An old pirate with an eye patch, hook for his hand, and a peg leg walks into a bar.
A young guy walks up and says, "Hey, old timer. Can I ask you something?"
Pirate says, "Aye, if ya buy me a pint."
The young guy does and says, "You know, I always wished I could live a pirate life. Is it as great as I've always believed?"
"Aye!" says the pirate, " I've raided me whole life from one ond of the Spanish Main
to the other. I've been richer than a king, poorer than a churchmouse, and I've lived totally free as the wind. But 'tis a hard life too, sonny. Just look at me tattered self!"
Young guy, emboldened by this, asks, "Well, if you don't mind me asking, what happened to your leg?"
Pirate says, "Arr, a shot from an Spanish galleon blew it clean off."
"Geez, that's terrible!"
"Aye, like I said, sonny, 'tis a good life- but a hard one."
"Well, if you don't mind my asking, what happened to your hand?"
"Arr, a bloody Spanish sailor cut it clean of with his cutlass."
Good lord, that's terrible! Must of hurt something terrible!"
"Aye, that it surely did, lad. Like I've been tellin' ya, it can be a hard life."
"Well, what happened to your eye? I'll bet it was another darn Spanish sailer!"
"No, sonny, it was a damn seagull. Pooped right in my eye."
Good gosh, a bird crapped in your eye and took it out??"
"Not exactly, sonny. First day with the hook, ya see?"
(At this point take your hand, stick out your middle finger bent like a hook, look up, curse, and stick the finger in your eye.)