A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.
After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket."
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea... just for tonight, let's pretend we're married."
The woman thinks for a moment. "Why not," she giggles.
"Great," he replies, "Get your own damn blanket!"


Jeff

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly , sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet , not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says , 'Dark in here.'
The man says , ' Yes , it is.'
Boy - 'I have a baseball.'
Man - 'That's nice.'
Boy - 'Want to buy it?'
Man - 'No , thanks.'
Boy - 'My dad's outside.'
Man - 'OK , how much?'
Boy - '$150'
Man - 'Sold.'

In the next few weeks , it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy - 'Dark in here.'
Man - 'Yes , it is.'
Boy - 'I have a Wilson infielder's glove.'
The lover , remembering the last time , asks the boy , 'How much?'
Boy - '$350'
Man - 'Highway robbery. Sold.'

A few days later , the father says to the boy , 'Grab your gloves , let's go outside and have a game of catch.'

The boy says , 'I can't , I sold my ball and my glove.'
The father asks , 'How much did you sell them for?'
The boy says , '$500'

The father says , 'That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... That is way more than those two things cost.

I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your greed.'
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says , 'Dark in here.'
The priest says , 'Don't start that .... again , you're in my closet now.'


Jeff

An Aussie story about mateship. Sheila didn't come home one night. When Bruce asked her where she'd been she said she spent the night at a girl friend's house. Bruce was a bit suspicious she'd been unfaithful so rang her ten closest friends, but none of them had seen her.

Next week Bruce didn't come home one night. Sheila asks him where the hell he'd been. Bruce says he got a bit drunk at a mate's place and thought it was safer not to drive and crash out there. Sheila thinks he's been unfaithful so rings his ten best mates. Eight of them say he spent the night there and two claim he's still there.

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party. The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse." Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.

Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. The woman enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?"

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon.

Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, even more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow. What is your last request?"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse. Alone!"

The Chief is curious, but he agrees and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent. Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears looks him square in the eyes and says, "Listen carefully. For the last time, I said ... BRING POSSE!"

A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'
The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'
Got that one from who else but my wife.

Greyphart

A WOMAN'S POEM
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door.
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to 'how big is my behind?'
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
A MAN'S POEM:
I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course, and loves to send me fishing and drinking. This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a sh!t.
The End

Greyphart

Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"

Margaret looked him over. "Nope."

Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.

Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"

Margaret looked up and exclaimed, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!"

Furious, Bert yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"

"Nope", she replied.

"IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!"

Without changing her expression, Margaret replied, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat."

my wife sent me that one.. I liked it too.


Q. If you have two Georgia Bull Dog football players in a car.... who is driving?

A. The police man ofcourse.