Hey, did you hear the one about the agnostic dyslexic insomniac who would lie awake all night, wondering if there was a Dog?

Yeah?

Okay.... But I'll bet you didn't hear the one about the dyslexic devil-worshiper who was shocked and horrified to discover that he'd sold his soul to Santa.

ba-dum-PSH!

I see you said the blind man to his deaf wife who heard him, because of all
the comotion the lame man got up and walked away....

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? "You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?"
"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
"I think you're bad luck... get the hell away from me."

A biker stops by the local Yamaha stealership to have his bike fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

On the way home, he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He stopped by the feed store/livestock dealer and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.

However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home.

While he was scratching his head, he was approached by a nice looking middle-aged woman who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?"

The biker said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. I would walk you home but I can't carry all this stuff."

The woman suggested, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm, and carry the goose in your other hand?"

"Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the woman home.

On the way he says, "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."

The woman looked him over cautiously and then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?"

The biker said, "Holy smokes, lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"

She replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens!"

Did he get his bike back?

She's a regular female Macgyver......If she had a shoe string , the sky would be the limit..... BB

Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation died and went to Heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is you can hang out with anyone you want in heaven".
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the throne room, and introduced him to God.

Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?" God said, "Oh, yes." "Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

There is too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
It chatters constantly at high speeds.
Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust, and finally,
The maintenance costs are outrageous."
"Hmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." God went to his celestial Super Computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention then yours".

Opps,

Thought this was interesting ...Coug

Only great minds can read this
This is weird, but interesting!
fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too

Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it

It wsa atcually qiute aesy to raed. I splle liek tath, anwya.