A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from the Gold Coast when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.

The man walked up to the car and asked, 'Are you going to the Gold Coast?’

'Sure,' answered the blonde, 'do you need a lift?'

'Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the Gold Coast Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me ? I' ll give you $100 for your trouble..'

'I'd be happy to,' said the blonde.

So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went.

Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of the Gold Coast when suddenly he was horrified!!

There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.

With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.

'What the heck are you doing here?' he demanded, 'I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo.'

'Yes, I know you did,' said the blonde,' but we had money left over --- so now we're going to SeaWorld

You know what you call a dog with no legs?

It don't matter: He ain't gonna' come, anyway.

Obama is going to sign the stimulis package on the same desk that Clinton got his package stimulated!

Best way to meet beautiful women??

Fart in an elevator. Guaranteed, she's the next one to walk in...

Now that the Dallas Cowboys are getting a new stadium to play in, the citizenry had to decide what to do with the old Texas stadium.

After much discussion and public input, it was determined that it would best serve as a tornado shelter ... since history has shown there will be no touchdowns there.

Sorry fans, just funny.

Blonde's Dog


One hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into a restaurant for something cold to drink.

Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked, 'Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?'

The blonde said it was hers.

'Your dog seems to be in heat,' the officer said.

The blonde replied, 'No way. She's cool 'cause she's tied up under that shade tree.'

The policeman said, 'No! You don't understand. Your dog needs to be bred.'

'No way,' said the blonde. 'My dog doesn't need bread. She isn't hungry 'cause I fed her this morning.'

The exasperated policeman said, 'NO! You don't understand. Your dog wants to have sex!'


(You gotta love this) ....

The blonde looked at the cop and said, 'Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog.'

My Dear Wife,

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being fifty-four years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my eighteen-year-old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don’t be upset; I shall be home before midnight.

When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:

My Dear Husband,

I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being fifty-four years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also fifty-four years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is eighteen years old.

As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference: eighteen goes into fifty-four a lot more times than fifty-four goes into eighteen. Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After awhile, one guy
looks at the other and says, 'I can't help but think, from listening to you,
that you're from Ireland.'
The other guy responds proudly, 'Yes, that I am!'
The first guy says, 'So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?'
The other guy answers, 'I'm from Dublin, I am.'
The first guy responds, 'So am I!'
'Sure and begorra.. And what street did you live on in Dublin?'
The other guy says, 'A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary Street
in the old central part of town.'
The first guy says, 'Faith, and it's a small world. So did I! So did I! And
to what school would you have been going?'
The other guy answers, 'Well now, I went to St. Mary's, of course.'
The first guy gets really excited and says, 'And so did I. Tell me, what
year did you graduate?'
The other guy answers, 'Well, now, let's see. I graduated in 1964.'
The first guy exclaims, 'The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can
hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you
believe it? I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self!'
About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits down and orders a beer.
Joe, the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head and mutters, 'It's
going to be a long night tonight.'
Vicky asks, 'Why do you say that, Joe?'
'The Murphy twins are drunk again!!'

Thought of the day:


"No woman will ever be truly satisfied,

because no man will ever have a

chocolate penis that ejaculates money."

A young boy is in court because he doesn't want to live with his parents because they beat him. The judge says he should go and live with his grandparents but the boy says "no, they beat me too". Judge says what about your uncle and aunt, but they too beat the boy. Not knowing where to send the young fella, the judge asks him where he would like to go. The boy thinks for a while and then says he wants to stay wiyh the local football team because they never beat anyone