That's funny, but my wife wasn't too impressed.

Neither was mine ...

Three women are relaxing at a local watering hole after a long day at their high tech jobs...

They're talking about work and how "hi-tech" everything has gotten, when, suddenly, Sandra, the firm's statuesque blonde vice president of sales, stands up to excuse herself and goes over to the pay phone.

Upon her return she exclaims that she had a pager implanted in her ear and she had to call the office with an important business decision...

As the women get back to the business at hand,Yue Ying, a very attractive and savvy account executive begins to speaking into her jacket sleeve... When it appeared she was finished her conversation, her focus turned back to the group and she said... "Oh, Excuse me... I have a new mini cell phone implanted into my wrist and I was on a call."

Well, not to be out done... Bernadette the newest member of the firm, a transplant from Bucktooth Bite, Montana... gets up, excuses herself by saying, "I need to go to the necessary room... I'll be right back."

Upon her return, Yue and Sandra notice that Bernadette has a piece of toilet paper hanging from her skirt. Shocked, they immediately, but discreetly point this out to Bernadette, who, without missing a beat replies...

"Oh, I'm sorry, I had a fax implanted in my behind and I thought I had read all of the pages..."

Proof of Global Warming

Two Arkansas hillbillies were sitting on a stump drinking moonshine and talking. Joe said " Jed if'in I were to go over to your cabin while you was out huntin' and made love to your wife, and she got pregnant and had a child. Would that make us kin?" Jed thought about it for a while took a siwg of moonshine and said " I don't know if it would make us kin,...but it would dang sure make us even!"

Older Women Are So Reasonable


AFTER BEING MARRIED FOR 44 YEARS, I TOOK A CAREFUL LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE DAY AND SAID, 'HONEY, 44 YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP APARTMENT, A CHEAP CAR, SLEPT ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHED A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV, BUT I GOT TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WITH A HOT 21-YEAR-OLD GAL.

NOW I HAVE A $500,000.00 HOME, A $45,000.00 CAR , NICE BIG BED AND PLASMA SCREEN TV, BUT I'M SLEEPING WITH A 65-YEAR-OLD WOMAN. IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU'RE NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE OF THINGS.'

MY WIFE IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN. SHE TOLD ME TO GO OUT AND FIND A HOT 21-YEAR-OLD GAL AND SHE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT I WOULD ONCE AGAIN BE LIVING IN A CHEAP APARTMENT, DRIVING A CHEAP CAR, SLEEPING ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHING A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV.

AREN'T OLDER WOMEN GREAT? THEY REALLY KNOW HOW TO SOLVE YOUR MID-LIFE CRISES.

A woman from Los Angeles, CA, who was a tree hugger, a democrat, and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland, near Colville, WA .  
There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her.  In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch. 
In considerable pain, she hurried to Mt. Carmel ER to see a doctor.  
She told him she was an environmentalist, a democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her.  She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared.  The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?"  
He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area.  I'm sorry, but they turned me down." 

This is hilarious!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yct5bJ7V-V8&feature=player_embedded

A drunk guy gets on a bus loaded with people and in an abnoxious voice yells out as he is standing in the isle, " everyone to the front of the bus from where I am standing ain't worth a crap, and everyone to the rear of the bus from where i am standing sucks!" The bus driver who is a very large man hears the drunk and slams on the brakes stopping the bus and sending passengers flying into the isle and onto the floor. The bus driver confronts the drunk asking him " Who did you say sucked and who did you say wasn't worth a crap?" The drunk looks around and says " I can't tell anymore you mixed them all up!"

A man on his Roadstar was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, 'because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'

The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'

God replied, 'Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help man kind.'

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'God, I
wish that I , and all men, could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy.

God replied: 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"